Sitting quietly we can learn to love ourselves.
Feelings will arise; thoughts, emotions, and memories.
And still we sit – and embrace who we are.
Loving through every moment.
Fear has many names and many masks. It can be dread, a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach. Or it can be an all-over your body shaking because truly you are in danger. That spine tingling knowing that you shouldn’t be where you are.
Mostly fear is amorphous, subtle, and undefined.
In active addiction fear is the thing we numb, or the feeling we want to overcome with a drink or a drug. In active addiction fear drives us – always. We fear facing the day – have a drink, take a pill, smoke a joint… We fear facing ourselves – our responsibilities – our mistakes or our lost dreams.
Sometimes we just fear who we are. Not the drug or alcohol induced being. We fear the Truth of a being deep inside desperately trying to get out. We are afraid to have to face the fact that maybe the lie we’ve been telling ourselves or the lie we’ve heard about ourselves is just that. A lie.
Maybe, instead of the lie that we’re “no good, worthless, never amount to anything, can’t do anything right, screw it up all the time” – is a smoke screen for taking responsibility for what is really true……
That we are good, that we are worthy, that we amount to a lot, do most things right, can choose not to screw up, and actually be who we are.
The fear that we could actually drop the ball and chain around our neck of the lie stops us from doing it. The irony is that the moment we drop it – we are free.
It’s in sobriety that we find the courage to stand up, lift our chin, and repair all the damage the lies have done. It’s in sobriety that we face our true selves. And when we do – the fear melts away like ice left in an empty glass on a hot summer’s day.
The Truth really does set us free.